As promised the James Meade excuses lists

Working at James Meade was a giggle, we all got on well in the office, but the company was being sold while we worked there. The new owners were winding up the business, moving parts of it up to Cumbria, and basically pushing through all the mailings. Instead of it taking the whole summer the sale brochures were coming out practically every week, reducing prices before we had a chance to get stock back in to send out to customers. They also gave the staff dispensation to buy stock from the warehouse. So in its entirety for you:

To be enclosed with all future mailings:

Dear Customer,

Please delete as applicable:

1. We apologise for the delay in getting your order to you, we have run out of stock.
2. We apologise for advertising clothing in the catalogues, but they are now sold out and there are no plans to bring them back into stock.
3. We apologise about the catalogues you are receiving, but we are trying to run down our stock.
4. We apologise for losing our parcel, at least the goods were in stock when it left.
5. We apologise, but it isn’t in stock at the moment.
6. We would call one of our shops to get you the item, but we apologise as we don’t know what is in stock, either here or there.
7. We know that what you are waiting for is in the warehouse, but it hasn’t been put into stock as we don’t have the time.
8. We apologise, but there will be a delay in getting the items you ordered to you, we are currently out of stock.
9. We apologise for selling things more cheaply this week than we did last week, however, please have a refund while you wait for your order as we are currently out of stock of the item you require.
10. We apologise if you can’t get through by telephone, but we have no staff to take your calls, there are looking for stock in the warehouse.
11. We apologise for the stories our message services are telling you. Please ignore them and wait until you (possibly) get a letter from us tellling you that your items are out of stock.
12. We apologise for the picking error on your parcel, at least we had something in stock to send you.

13.I apologise, but let me please put you on hold while I put my earplugs in, before you start screaming at me for something, which is not and has never been my fault.

And finally
We apologise that the item you require is not in stock, one of our staff brought it for a pound.

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2 thoughts on “As promised the James Meade excuses lists

  1. And they did really nice long yellow socks, of which I seemed to have got a complimentary pair! Hooray!

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