I don’t want this to turn into a countdown of time/people I have said goodbye to. But as this is what is ruling my life at the moment, it’s a bit hard not to concentrate on it.
I met Helen on Saturday while I was around Erika and Ian’s. I used to work with both Helen and Erika, it was lovely to see her, as I hadn’t for years. We had lunch, chewed the fat and took some silly photos, picking up exactly where we left off. I then had a train journey home where I fell asleep practically as soon as I had sat down, woke up at Clapham, changed trains to get back to Eastbourne. Via buying a bloody good cup of tea and Maddie friendly flapjack at the station. I listened to a really good audio book on the way home, Dr Phil McGraw Getting Real. It is a recording of a talk he gave in Missouri, and I am scribbling notes in my book furiously. I have a little over an hour left to listen so will finish it tonight on the train home. (I’ll get back to my weekend in a minute) But Jim and I went to the gym yesterday and while bubbling in the jacuzzi (bliss) we were talking. I was saying that I have been working really hard on my self this year. Not myself, but me, inside. It hasn’t been an easy journey, and I am still working on it, but one thing I have learnt is that I need to take care of me, above everyone else. I am constantly putting other people in front of me, I have this inherent need to feel wanted, so work hard to get that from others, but forget about how I am doing in the meantime. So when people do need something from me, I don’t have anything left to give.